drink:deep

i’m rushing here.

i long for childhood again. for the innocence and for the freedom we seemed to miss trying to grow older. we were in such a rush weren’t we?  now i’m 22 wishing i was 7. i promise, if i could get just one more day i would not forget how it felt to live and to be free from all i know that binds me and keeps me from understanding so much in life that is truly beautiful. the saddest part is that i don’t remember. i don’t remember the things that passed by my eyes, or even what it felt like to have them open. my eyes are closed now. i wonder what it will be like in 10 years. i don’t want to look back to this time and wish these same things. time is one thing you don’t get back.  i wonder how i will live to make sure this doesn’t happen.  i’ve thought about writing everything down.. everything, even what i have for breakfast in the morning or what the newspaper headlines are. but that just won’t do, because even then it will all just become words that will eventually mean nothing in comparison to the feelings that we have.  no words will ever record the experiences that we feel deep beneath all the mess.  so here i am stuck and afraid that i will forget it all. the words and the feelings. the experiences and even the mundane.  i want to wail with laughter and with tears all at the same time. i’m rushing around trying to pick up the pieces to this screwed up puzzle all the while forgetting that the whole thing can’t be put together yet. i don’t even have the lid to the box.  i think i will see how simple this all really is someday. until then, i’ll sit and stare and wait and more than anything hope the day comes that peace fills me to the brim and i can finally make sense of myself.  here’s to living our lives with less meaningless chatter and more spirit.  here’s to tomorrow.